Thursday, April 30, 2009

Growing old, or growing young?

So, this is it. Tomorrow, May 1st, I will be 30!
Does this bother me? Maybe. Not in the "oh-my-gosh-I'm-so-old" way...but in a more reflective way. Here are the things I'm pondering, in no particular order.

* I'm glad that I married an older man. So, no matter how old I get, he's always older! LOL!! (Honey, I love you! :) )

* I'm wondering when I'll feel like a mom. It's been 6 years now. When do you feel like a mom? My memories of my mom show a women who is on top of things, who always knew just what to say, who fought for her kids tooth and nail. She was/is a MOM. I really don't feel like a mom. But who knows, maybe she didn't either. *shrugs* I don't know if this makes sense...but it's the truth. You always look up to someone older, and then when you get there, when you are that person, it doesn't feel like you had imagined it would.

* I need to realize that I have more say and more authority over my kids then their school teachers, church teachers, and even sometimes their doctors. I love all the aforementioned!! But, sometimes, in their presence, I fell less, like I should be deferring to them. Ultimately it is ME who makes the decisions in my child's life. It is ME who knows them best, and will do what is best for them. I guess realizing that does make me a mom!

* I was told by someone I trusted when I was 12 that my life would be full of joy. That I would have difficulties and trials, but overall that my life would be grand. And, you know what? It has and is. I graduated from University. I worked in the career of my choice, (but not the one I went to school for) and ended that career doing my dream job. How many people can say that they had their dream job by age 23? I can. That fact makes me secure in my homemaking, and in the low-skilled job that I do now. (sorry employers- you know I could do more!)
I married the most wonderful man on earth. My soul mate. Yes, we've had difficulties and trials, but we've stuck together and pushed through them. Together.
And the best blessings of all are my 3 wonderful, beautiful, brilliant children. They are my dearest treasures.

So, no matter what the next 30 years bring, I can handle it! Because I have everything I need right now. And besides, I won't be a year older on May 1st; I'll only be a day older. Just like every other day. As my mom said every year on her birthday, "You are only as old as you feel." And only you can decide how young you really are!


islandrogue said...

Wow, I totally know how you feel. I am 32 yrs old and still do not feel like a Mom or a grown up to say the least. I always thought maybe I'd feel like a Mom when I took my oldest to kindergarten. That day came and went, and still don't feel it. I help with homework, I'm there to kiss Boo-boos, make their kid friendly meals, but that feeling still hasn't really stuck in yet. Every once in a while all it takes is my 9 year old to keep me in check for singing to a 90's song and telling me that I'm embarassing to get that feeling like wow..I AM A MOM!

Melanie @ Whimsical Creations said...

It's wild that you wrote this. I just scanned in a bunch of my parents old photos of me as a child. It's wild looking back. I just turned 35 this past Nov and feel the same way you do.

Happy almost Birthday!!

The Double Dipped Life said...

You ladies are awesome! are scaring me a little! lol! Someday I'll feel like a mom!

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Piggy said...

Happy Birthday! I totally understand and match up to some of the points that you mention... I am 31 this year! :) .. with the exception of the kids.. as I am married but no kids :)

Mommys Online Garage Sale said...

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